I’m not a relationship coach, but romantic relationships often impact my lifestyle coaching discussions. I recently saw a Facebook post that asked, “Should I date a guy who has potential?” My response: Know the natural laws. Don’t date a guy with potential. Marry a guy with momentum. For me, viewing this question in the frame of the natural law of physics sheds some light on the definition of love.
In physics, potential is defined as “existing and ready for action, but not active.” This describes a number of dudes, and of course describes their resulting relationships. They exist. They could do this. They want to find a better job. They are planning on going back to school. They say they want to be with you. They promise they will never do it again. BUT! There they sit, IDLE!
In physics, two types of potential energy exist: gravitational potential energy and elastic potential energy. Stated briefly, the amount of potential energy is directly proportional to the height you raise an object to or the compression or stretching of the object. It is the same with your relationship with “potential energy” dudes. You have to put in the effort to lift such dudes to a high enough level and drop them hoping that they will bounce and maintain that momentum. Or, you have to put continual pressure on such dudes hoping that they will spring into action and continue that action. But, potential energy dudes require a lot of work on your part just to get them started. There is no guarantee that the dude will bounce, spring, or maintain momentum. You could be wasting your time.
In physics, momentum is “mass in motion.” This describes a number of men. They are working, producing, and investing. They are making time, creating opportunities, and accessing greatness where they are. They have dreams, see a vision for their lives, and take steps to achieve that vision. As Drake said, they are “the type to say a prayer, and go get what [they] just prayed for.” They take care of themselves with an eye toward taking care of you.
Momentum = mass * velocity.
Larger objects in motion have more momentum than small objects. Objects with greater velocity have more momentum than objects with lesser velocity. Consider mass to be the amount of love your lover has for you. Consider velocity to be the speed and direction of your lover. Speed is swiftness and intentionality. Direction is sustainable choice behaviors.
Momentum, then, increases when the love is strongest and multiplied with sustainable choice behaviors. This equation is important because explains your ability to determine momentum. It is also help to your lover to consider increasing the momentum. Increasing the love is only one part of the equation. Making choices that support our union, honoring us, securing our future are also important ingredients in the formula.
While wanting to be a dutiful girlfriend, you may miss the opportunity to be a productive mate. You allow a dude to handle his frustrations, recover his esteem, and borrow his next investment without a requirement that he respect you. You then feel devastated when the result is not a long term benefit to you. You rationalize that you are not being deceived, you are not wasting energy because you have your own money. You are independent, and you don’t need a man. Therefore, he does him while you do you. You convince yourself that he’s a dude with momentum because you don’t allow him to change your trajectory. Or worse, you convince yourself that you are satisfied with the status quo. The lack of positive movement is acceptable, because at least the relationship exists.
Becoming a Force
The last lesson of physics in relationships? You must, together, become a Force.
Force = mass * acceleration
Acceleration is velocity over time. Remember, velocity is intentionality and sustainable choices. Imagine if you and your lover both individually displayed the characteristics of momentum. Your careful combination creates a synergy that sustains momentum over time. You bounce ideas off each other. Your relationship could be a self-sustaining source of productive energy.You arrive at your individual goals quicker because you influence each other to succeed and continue in success. You two become a force to be reckoned with. That’s not just love, that’s physics.
[ Michael A. Wright, PhD, LAPSW is a father of two girls and a boy. He is also a 20 year veteran husband. He works as a leadership coach and organization consultant based in Nashville, Tennessee. With over 16 years of experience guiding individuals to their goals, Michael has the techniques and patience to help you succeed. Follow @MAWMedia on Twitter or connect for a consultation at MAWMedia.com ]