I’m smiling as I’m writing this, because I can imagine the expressions on your face when I say you need to wait for your husband. Anxious and feeling like you have already kissed way too many frogs, you are ready for your prince… Yesterday!
I feel there is some confusion with the word. Waiting does not mean you do nothing at all. Waiting does not require that you go on a man hunt or a man fast. Waiting for your husband doesn’t have a lot to with the man himself. It has everything to do with you preparing YOU to invite someone lasting and worthy into your space.
Think about what that invitation means for a moment. You will have to consider someone other than yourself. You will have to share your things. You will have to give account for your actions. You will have to represent as the Mrs..
Often when I suggest to a single woman that she wait, the response is, “‘I have been waiting.” Believe me I know what you’re going through. I was there once. Back then, I had to learn how to wait. For me, it was a simple prayer and committed behavior. My prayer, “Lord, take away any person from my life that does not mean me good.” Some calls just stopped ringing. My behavior: I refocused on learning, defining what I wanted, and achieving my goals.
Learn the lessons.
You often feel that because you are going through something or have been through something, you have learned. Learning is a more than just the active experience. Learning requires you to reflect and find reasons, to connect causes like whys and hows to the effects like outcomes and consequences of what you do.
This learning is important especially if you find yourself making the same unsustainable choice over and over again with guys or “guy-type situations” that land you nowhere. Reflection is a word to use in your learning process. Reflect on what you feel your needs are, what causes you to be impatient or restless, and how much do you value yourself and what you want.
Learning a lesson has been associated with something negative. But I assure you, learning with growth is a positive move in the right direction. Learning allows you to see a situation clearly from all points of view. It also helps you to make more sustainable choices in the future.
When you are in the mode of learning, it is best to clear out the distractions. Put into a metaphor: get rid of the guys who skip the grocery shopping and the cooking only to come around for dessert. They do not want to marry you, but they will, by their presence, hinder any hopes you have of marriage with someone who would marry you. Do not forget in your learning to think of some new ways of coping with anxiety while you wait. It could mean that you take up a new hobby or spend time on one you have neglected. Do something that is sustainable and keeps you going in the forward direction.
Define you and what you want.
For some, defining who you are and what you want can be challenging. I feel this is because, for so long, you have practiced being someone else. Along with that, you have put someone else’s wants in front of your own. You valued not being alone more than quality time and quality companions. You may not even be aware that you are doing this.
This is not always demonstrated or taught while growing up. So it is an important exercise to do as an adult. Who you are may be selfish, outgoing, mean, awkward, needy or caring. The point is there is someone for you. You do not have to diminish or pretend to be something you are not. It is hard to know what you want from another if you cannot first identify your own needs or wants. Once you are able to do that, you can think about what you want in a husband. Just know that this will weed out the freeloaders and perpetrators who would waste your time. There is no need to rush this. Self-discovery and enlightenment takes time. Your eyes will be opened wide. Honesty will be your guide in assessing you and others. Taking these steps will help you realize who you are. You will refuse to settle for less giving yourself permission to want more.
Work on building you.
If you ever played with blocks, you know there is a way to stack them to make them reach your desired height. It is the same with your life. You must build it in such a way to reach your goals. While building, your energy is focused on making yourself better, learning what you need to learn, researching ways to do what you want. This allows you to refuse anxiety about waiting, and instead enables your productivity. Building is about growth and expansion. Just keep in mind while you are busy you are setting the tone for what you want, and how your space will be shared with your mate. You are being what you want.
I occupied myself by furthering my education. I had always wanted to be a nurse. So, I got started. I found out later, that my one of the first things that attracted my husband to me was the fact that I was in school. He was looking for someone he could build WITH. Imagine if I had only been someone he had to build. Imagine the type of guy that is attracted to you as only a project to build.
As you have read through this blog, I hope you have found that waiting is not as tiresome as you may have first imagined. There is plenty to do. I do know, not only will this knowledge benefit you so please share with others. Oh, one last thing. Go ahead and set your table for two. Happy waiting!
[Taunya is nurse, author, and director of MAWMedia Group’s Health Literacy efforts. Find her author page at facebook.com/authorTSW]