As my kids progress into the teen years, I understand that I have to learn to let go. But, I will send them with some hard won wisdom, and my encouragement to live out their awesomeness especially when it comes to relationships. My primary audience for my blog, in fact, is my children. I hope they heed the wisdom that I put in writing as well as my talks and my example.
A student once asked me, “Dr. Wright, Do you think it’s a bad thing to be ‘needy’ in a relationship?”
“No,” I responded. “The goal is to find the relationship in which both parties want to fulfill that need.”
I often share tips for success in relationships, both platonic and romantic. Knowing that other voices can be helpful, I am always encouraging my students (and everyone really) to write for my blog. Beonca was not planning to write for me, but her words presented perfectly a sentiment that I have dedicated a whole series to explain. She articulates the struggle, her analysis, and her resolve in 250 words. I read Beonca’s post on Facebook, liked it, and immediately asked if I could post it on my blog for all to learn from. The point: You DESERVE someone who makes you feel GREATER.
Why do women put their hearts and logic on the line for the sake of love and companionship? Why do we allow people and things that we know are not good for us in our lives? Why do we crave someone who doesn’t want to really be there in the first place?
We stay in emotionally detrimental relationships because in addition to loving the man we are with, we think they will change. Why? Because, we as women, make concessions for, change for, bend and break for what we’ve always wanted: LOVE.
However, he is who he is. The truest words I’ve heard “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Many of us are so willing to put our man’s feelings, wants, needs, and desires before our own to keep from rocking the boat. WHY? Our misguided expectations of love. It’s not a one way street. We shouldn’t have to hold our needs and wants inside because every time we want to talk he gets mad, insults and dismisses your feelings, and shuts down. When this happens, we tend to feel vulnerable and just want to make him feel better, because our intention was to talk not fight.
So, we dismiss our feelings, drop it and try to make it up to him for upsetting him. Then the next time we want to say how we’re feeling, to the person who’s supposed to be our confidant and best friend, we freeze and then sweep it under the rug. We ultimately cripple our own happiness because we not getting what we need from our relationships, and we’re afraid to say so.
Anyway, I’ve realized that womanhood has made me unbelievably resilient, and I will always come out on top. I love myself so damn much that it doesn’t matter if anyone else does. I’m too valuable, too great to be treated poorly, disrespected, manipulated, and made to feel less than I am.
*Life Lessons.. OK, I’m done.*