Hipping Through Life 2nd Entry: Mother Was Right
Continuing this series, I was thinking how long this healing process has been. Not just my hip, but in every aspect of my life. My jubilation from graduating from Tennessee State was downgraded with learning I needed another surgery. It was coupled with teary emotions and failed plans.
I had planned this fabulous new future that had me riding into the sunset with a new life, and please understand, not on horseback. I had a wedding planned to someone I had waited and prayed for. I had a two year old business that would finally make strides. And, I outlined retirement from a long-standing government career in order to make my mark, whatever Janet’s mark was destined to be. I was this confident, fabulous 56 year old that didn’t mind telling her age because I was thankful that God had given me these new opportunities. I was thankful that my mindset was not old, dated, or fearful. I worked hard to maintain my health. Often, people were surprised at my age, so I had optimism about what my life was going to be. During this high-powered fantasy life planning, my mother would often say one of her favorite and true sayings, “Man can plan, but God can un-plan.” I totally agree, but still thought I was on track with God’s plan. I was wrong, so wrong!
The ride into the sunset left without me. The wonderful guy had 3 surgeries to my one and we literally had to scratch all of our plans and agree to a sick sabbatical. I wasn’t able to see about him, and he wasn’t able to see about me. Our plans just fell into the category of a relationship casualty. I did retire; especially, after I was ordered to be on sick leave as long as I could to heal. Four to six months was the estimated time. The money would be less, but I was going to start a new career as soon as I could. I would be okay. I really didn’t expect the side business I had built to come to a screeching halt. But the reality is no job, no investment, no customers, no profit, means no business. I wasn’t expecting to have to go to a therapy center for two weeks to learn how to go up steps again. I really wasn’t expecting the confidence I had to disappear.
My plan was not God’s plan even though I thought I was right. Why am I sharing? I’m sharing because it is important for me to share that I may heal. The physical pain is all but gone, but my emotional pain is overwhelming because I literally went into shock. My heart is sad and I feel sort of numb at the edges of my heartbeats. Shock is valuable because it makes you look at your situation and it makes you re-evaluate your life and actions. I realized my hip was better and truth be told I was so sick of the trifling man, the trifling business, and the trifling job. For the first time in my life, I felt trifling myself. God opened my eyes on everything: the guy, the business, and the job proving none of it was right. But, more importantly, I had to admit it. That was the best part of the lesson. I searched within myself, I realized my true worth and decided to stay true to my passion and take the responsibility to hear God’s voice.
No, I have no new job, no new guy, and no new business, yet. Hipping through this with God, I know my change is coming. My confidence is returning by being proud. I realized I did right by God by NOT resisting the changes and understanding his messenger, my mother.
I hope this post is helpful to let you know when everything you plan falls apart with no reason, please know there is a reason. God’s messenger will let you know you will make it, especially when it is momma delivering the message. HIP ON!
[Janet Blakemore is a former full-figure model, former director of a modeling school, recent retiree from TN State Government, and an awesome, vibrant spirit of a person. In addition to writing, Janet is an entrepreneur who enjoys retail therapy, being a Tennessee State University alum, and time with her adult daughter and extended family.]