The funny thing about being retired my brain is working overtime. I analyze everything. I even analyze over-analyzing. The one thing I learned from the hip surgery was how this surgery has taken control of my life. Unlike the thyroidectomy, the hysterectomy, the gall bladder surgery, the tiny neck aneurysm, the knee cyst removal, (yes, I own a brick in St. Thomas Hospital) and the countless dental surgeries the hip is definitely the boss, it calls the shots when it’s cold or hot. It yells at me when I bend wrong, when I sit too long, drive too long (yes, I talk to my hip). All of these can be remedied with proper stretching, Advil and Celebrex, but it’s interesting to me that I can be having an active day and one tinge of pain can throw me into the doldrums.
I admit the aggravation of this hip makes me feel sorry for myself, which is even more aggravating. After these miniature pity moments, I become immediately grateful that I’m not contributing another brick to St. Thomas, which could easily be the case. I am happy I am into my 6th month of healing. But, I have to admit that I possess a fear of losing me.
Even when I felt like Wonder Woman, this expensive platinum implanted in my body coupled with a medallion on my purse could set off the alarm at Walmart. The occurrence only paused me long enough for a good laugh. I never missed a beat with the other surgeries. I made the necessary adjustments. So what was so different this time? In actuality, the hip limited my swag, style, aura, and my sparkle–whatever described my attitude or confidence factor of the day.
My Shoe Game
One day as I was leaving to go to the grocery, I opened my door to place a bag on the floor behind my car seat, I noticed I had a pair of athletic walking shoes, casual sneakers, ballet flats, wedge strappy sandals, and a pair of patent leather dress pumps with a two and half inch heel. I chuckled when I saw all of the shoes. Then, the chuckle stopped as I experienced an “aha” moment. The answer to my fear was staring at me from the floor mat. I often kept an extra pair of shoes because I never knew what pair would wear right from day to day. Regardless, I was prepared. No matter what, I knew I had a shoe to wear for that day to look my best. You must understand, I’m a high-heel wearer, they make me feel powerful, elegant, fierce, foxy and thinner, they evened out my proportions. I call it my shoe game.
The hip had thrown me off my game because I allowed it to. I glanced at the two inch heel I purchased in preparation to wear after surgery, a cute, feminine shoe with character. I realized I had already begun my transition. I could still be all those things as long I stayed prepared and true to myself. Most of all, I have choices.
I instantly became happy, not just because I found the pair of shoes I wanted to wear that day, but because I promised myself to choose happiness over the doldrums. I choose my sparkle over dullness. I chose to fight for my confidence over being defeated. Whatever your game babies, have choices and be prepared and you will never lose at your game. Now, come with me and watch me set these alarms off!
[Janet Blakemore is a former full-figure model, former director of a modeling school, recent retiree from TN State Government, and an awesome, vibrant spirit of a person. In addition to writing, Janet is an entrepreneur who enjoys retail therapy, being a Tennessee State University alum, and time with her adult daughter and extended family.]